Post by WVUfanPHILLY on Apr 16, 2008 22:50:01 GMT -5
Big Ten Teams as European Countries
Europe has a rich, storied past...which is where it remains...in the past. They think they're still the most important region in the world, but everyone knows that the Middle East has a wealth of riches and is now calling the shots for the foreseeable future.
Europe added to its member nations, but refused to change it's name even though it makes no sense to call it that anymore. (Maybe Europe needs to work on its math skills?). Russia, the country everyone loves to hate, is still not a member of the European Union and wants to be independent. Frankly, they're a threat to no one at the moment and are led by an arrogant ass**** who is only a step away from being whacked by the do-anything-to-win Russian Mafia.
ILLINOIS: Greece
Once a powerhouse, now little more than an insignificant clan of people who talk funny and complain a lot.
INDIANA: Ireland
A very proud people who tend to overlook certain types bad behavior (see Sampson, Kelvin). Using the f-word repeatedly is acceptable (see Knight, Bobby).
IOWA: Ukraine
Detached from the rest of Europe and really should be part of Asia. Covered with corn fields. Appeared to be emerging as a regional power, but returned to mediocrity very quickly.
MICHIGAN: Germany
A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to employ leaders who are power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics who always seem to louse things up. Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you they're superior. When asked about recent history, they tend to get quiet quickly.
MICHIGAN STATE: Austria
Germany's slow, loud, self-conscious and far less accomplished neighbor.
MINNESOTA: Sweden
Liberal whack jobs covered in snow.
NORTHWESTERN: Netherlands
Citizens of other European countries (and the world) come here to get stoned and drunk, ravage the natives, then leave.
OHIO STATE: France
Pound for pound the most insufferable, arrogant pricks on the planet. Weak leaders who appear to be accomplices in their humiliating defeats. Holding their own against Germany at the moment, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before the tanks are rolling again.
PENN STATE: United Kingdom
Used to run the world. Run by a beloved, geriatric figurehead who simply refuses to retire.
PENN STATE Alternate: Italy
Nation that is proud of its heritage and loyal to its family, but its best times have passed it by. Loved throughtout the rest of the world for its rich cultural history, but insignificant in the modern world.
PURDUE: Norway
The secret to Norway's marginal success is that it's so boring, no one pays it any attention.
WISCONSIN: Poland
Filled with hulking pasty-white drunks with "ski" at the end of their last name. Looks tough, but easily rolled. Lots of jokes are made at their expense.
Honorary Big Ten Member (it's only a matter of time...)
NOTRE DAME: Russia
Long history of thinking themselves more important than they really are. Always talk about the glory days and quick to point out whenever they did anything positive, but ignores the negatives.
SEC Teams as Middle Eastern Countries
ALABAMA: Saudi Arabia
Once a proud kingdom, torn up by fighting and surrounded by Iran and Iraq (see below), with an a$$hole in Al-Qaeda hell bent on bringing them down.
LSU: Iran
Current superpower in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.
TENNESSEE: Iraq
Got a bunch of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.
FLORIDA: Syria
Evil douchebags who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.
GEORGIA: Kuwait
Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iraq.
AUBURN: Al Qaeda
No country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to blow up those who are more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing the Arabians for six years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They'll be looking for a new leader soon.
ARKANSAS: Palestinian territories
No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Qatar
Where the hell is Qatar?
OLE MISS: Afghanistan
Not much going for it, but hot women.
VANDERBILT: Israel
Just leave them alone for God's sake. What did they ever do to you?
VANDERBILT Alternate: Dubai
Lots of money and doesn't cause any trouble.
KENTUCKY: Morocco
Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football)
SOUTH CAROLINA: Libya
Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness. Will rattle his sword but knows he doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to back it up with.
Europe has a rich, storied past...which is where it remains...in the past. They think they're still the most important region in the world, but everyone knows that the Middle East has a wealth of riches and is now calling the shots for the foreseeable future.
Europe added to its member nations, but refused to change it's name even though it makes no sense to call it that anymore. (Maybe Europe needs to work on its math skills?). Russia, the country everyone loves to hate, is still not a member of the European Union and wants to be independent. Frankly, they're a threat to no one at the moment and are led by an arrogant ass**** who is only a step away from being whacked by the do-anything-to-win Russian Mafia.
ILLINOIS: Greece
Once a powerhouse, now little more than an insignificant clan of people who talk funny and complain a lot.
INDIANA: Ireland
A very proud people who tend to overlook certain types bad behavior (see Sampson, Kelvin). Using the f-word repeatedly is acceptable (see Knight, Bobby).
IOWA: Ukraine
Detached from the rest of Europe and really should be part of Asia. Covered with corn fields. Appeared to be emerging as a regional power, but returned to mediocrity very quickly.
MICHIGAN: Germany
A rich history, tons of talent, but a tendency to employ leaders who are power-crazed, loud-mouthed lunatics who always seem to louse things up. Germany's citizens are always ready to tell you they're superior. When asked about recent history, they tend to get quiet quickly.
MICHIGAN STATE: Austria
Germany's slow, loud, self-conscious and far less accomplished neighbor.
MINNESOTA: Sweden
Liberal whack jobs covered in snow.
NORTHWESTERN: Netherlands
Citizens of other European countries (and the world) come here to get stoned and drunk, ravage the natives, then leave.
OHIO STATE: France
Pound for pound the most insufferable, arrogant pricks on the planet. Weak leaders who appear to be accomplices in their humiliating defeats. Holding their own against Germany at the moment, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before the tanks are rolling again.
PENN STATE: United Kingdom
Used to run the world. Run by a beloved, geriatric figurehead who simply refuses to retire.
PENN STATE Alternate: Italy
Nation that is proud of its heritage and loyal to its family, but its best times have passed it by. Loved throughtout the rest of the world for its rich cultural history, but insignificant in the modern world.
PURDUE: Norway
The secret to Norway's marginal success is that it's so boring, no one pays it any attention.
WISCONSIN: Poland
Filled with hulking pasty-white drunks with "ski" at the end of their last name. Looks tough, but easily rolled. Lots of jokes are made at their expense.
Honorary Big Ten Member (it's only a matter of time...)
NOTRE DAME: Russia
Long history of thinking themselves more important than they really are. Always talk about the glory days and quick to point out whenever they did anything positive, but ignores the negatives.
SEC Teams as Middle Eastern Countries
ALABAMA: Saudi Arabia
Once a proud kingdom, torn up by fighting and surrounded by Iran and Iraq (see below), with an a$$hole in Al-Qaeda hell bent on bringing them down.
LSU: Iran
Current superpower in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.
TENNESSEE: Iraq
Got a bunch of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.
FLORIDA: Syria
Evil douchebags who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.
GEORGIA: Kuwait
Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iraq.
AUBURN: Al Qaeda
No country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to blow up those who are more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing the Arabians for six years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They'll be looking for a new leader soon.
ARKANSAS: Palestinian territories
No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Qatar
Where the hell is Qatar?
OLE MISS: Afghanistan
Not much going for it, but hot women.
VANDERBILT: Israel
Just leave them alone for God's sake. What did they ever do to you?
VANDERBILT Alternate: Dubai
Lots of money and doesn't cause any trouble.
KENTUCKY: Morocco
Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football)
SOUTH CAROLINA: Libya
Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness. Will rattle his sword but knows he doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to back it up with.
