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Post by WVUMntneerJim on Jul 2, 2009 17:55:04 GMT -5
I need to know if I did the right thing or not...
There's this girl I've been talking to off-and-on for over a year (for the record, yes, she's real and I met her up here in one of my classes).
She came up here last fall for the opening home game, but she and I got seperated and that was the last time we have seen each other. We were supposed to go to Puerto Rico at the end of THIS year (2009), but all my money went towards putting a new engine in my car. I was supposed to go down to see her in North Carolina here in a couple of weeks, but, it took a turn for the worst...
I got a text message from her saying, "About your trip, I dunno how much fun ur gunna have; I got a DUI and I can't drink for a while..."
Needless to say, I was livid. It just bothered the hell outta me all day... so finally, I told her, "Ya know, I'm still your friend and all and I'll do anything I can to help, but I am really disappointed in you... I don't know if I am going to come down or not now..." She replied back, "I'm dealing with the worst thing of my life and I'm trying to do this without my parents knowing and you being mean is not cool." I simply told her, "I'm not being mean, just honest, and you know that. I'll get back to you in a few days to let you know of my decision." A few days past by, and I told her, "I'll come visit you at a later date. I'm going to Atlanta in August."
Granted, I've done some stupid-ass things in my life, but I think a DUI just crosses the line. Am I doing the right thing by showing her tough love and not visiting her? Keep in mind she stood me up the weekend of the Blue/Gold game this year when she came to town and I pretty much told her it wasn't cool. She apologized to me then and I let it go and decided to give her a second chance. As far as I am concerned, she blew her second chance.
Again, did I do the right thing?
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Post by rainman on Jul 2, 2009 22:43:45 GMT -5
Sounds like maybe she could use a good friend about now and getting a dui isnt the worse a person could do especially if there was no wreck or injury etc. and other factors ie, 1st offense? .1 or .3 ? .....did you do the right thing? who knows... but I dont think her getting a dui qualifies her blowing her 2nd chance. DUI's can happen to the best of us, find out the circumstances before you condemn though...
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Post by wvumaryjane on Jul 2, 2009 22:56:59 GMT -5
So I take it you have NEVER drank and drove? Or done ANYthing Illegal like drink under age? Or was it that ya just didn't get caught? Where did "ye who is whithout sin shall cast the first stone" go in the book of morals?
I guess this rubs me the wrong way because once upon a time about 5 or 6 years ago I was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident with injuries. That sounds REALLy bad I know.. but the way it went down was this.. I was going to get my son at his friend's houuse and it was dusk to dark, and I made a left turn at a green light and I didn't see the little twerp riding a dirt bike barreling down Jackson Street until after he slammed into my bronco.. I stopped and gave first aid to the kid... his nose was bleeding.. told him lets call the police, lets call an ambulance.. he kept screaming.. No NO NO NO.. JUST take me home.. so after a medical aessment, I packed him and his dirt bike in the bronco and took him home..... Well folks.. that's technically leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and within 2 hours I was turning myself into the police at the jail.. I was handcuffed, finger printed, had to share an open toilet with everyone, and I had to stay there for about 7 hours without any human rights until they processed the paperwork to get my ass bailed out. Aside from my mother dying, that was the WORST experience of my life. I really really didn't need someone to judge me at that point. I was on probation for a year until I finally got a trial date and that arrest stillhaunts me to this day.
There are some things that are inexcusable as a first offence.. robbery, homicide, rape, child abuse, etc but a DUI is really just a stupid error in judgement. hell you can
t swing a dead cat down here in the deep south without hitting someone that has had a DUI.
I think you blew it with this girl and I think you really need to realize that everyone has a "yeah, i fucked up but" moment or two in their lives.
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Post by WVUMntneerJim on Jul 3, 2009 7:53:48 GMT -5
In the interest of disclosure, I can honestly say I never drank underage; however, I did drive drunk ONE TIME, and that was this past spring... me and two friends were at Lazy Lizard gettin hammered on their "Golden Text Free Cover/Free Drinks" special and come time 2am, we were all well lit up... somehow, the decision was made that I had to drive; although in my drunken stupor I was scared to death... and, also, in my drunken stupor my methodical nature of getting things done came to the rescue and that's how I got me and my friends back to Star City (from Downtown) and crashed on their couch.
That drivin' drunk incident is the only reason I am second guessing myself on this one... maybe I was a little harsh in my words, but I still stand by my initial stance. Maybe I should call her up and admit (as much as I hate to) where I erred and offer her support?
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Post by elp525 on Jul 3, 2009 7:59:53 GMT -5
To me bro it sounds like you have a love/hate relationship with this girl. The football game where you got seperated....it just didn't work out. Puerto Rico......didn't work out because of you needing a motor for your car. She got a DUI and told you that she thought you wouldn't have any fun because she can't drink. I don't know why you can't drink when you get a DUI. You can drive correct? I know you are denied driving privledges but I don't understand her saying she can't drink. Unless NC has some weird law where they are tested daily for comsumption.
I think she is embarrassed, depressed and as a result is isolating herself. It sounds like this is a time when she really needs someone to be by her side. Going through the court system is a scary thing and is very gut wrenching. Especially if she has never been in trouble with the law before. Add in the fact she is trying to hide this from here parents too and I think it is safe to say she really needs a friend. Now add to the equation that you have turned your back on her. I think you should put on a pair of her shoes and see what the view looks like.
If you really have feelings for this girl and your really do feel you are her friend you will stand by her side no matter what. If you still harbor resentment from the Blue/Gold game and other times when things didn't work out between you two then you have to dig deep within yourself for the truth. If the magic really isn't there then be honest about the situation and stick a fork in the relationship because it is done. But if you really care for this girl and can't erase her from your thoughts and heart put everything else behind you and be there for her.
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Post by smurph on Jul 7, 2009 14:27:32 GMT -5
I would agree with the comments on here so far. As Rainman said she is more in need of a friend now than an expression of negativity toward her actions. At this point in time, you are just friends. Too early to be critical or try to change the other person. Either enjoy the newness of the relationship, or if the DUI really is that bothersome to you, give the relationship a break.
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Post by WVUMntneerJim on Jul 7, 2009 18:50:55 GMT -5
We agreed to have a talk and try to hash things out. She told me she is going sober and has a friend going sober with her... so, we'll see what happens.
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Post by WVUMntneerJim on Jul 18, 2009 8:07:17 GMT -5
Well, I hope y'all are sittin down while readin' this, or at the very least, put any food and or beverages aside for a minute... Turns out this girl LIED to me about her DUI... yeah, a buddy of mine (who is a mutual friend of me and this girl, unbeknownst to her, and me until recently) went down to visit her and she started bragging about how she "told one guy that I had a DUI, I can't believe he bought that! I just didn't want him to come down..." and she also had other plans that weekend and was going to ditch me the next morning (I was going down on a Friday night, and her plan was to bail on Saturday morning) and make up some bullshit excuse on why she had to leave. It didn't take my friend long to put 2 & 2 together... here's how our phone conversation went... My friend: "Dude, are you friends with [name redacted]?" Me: "Yeah, why?" My friend: "I am down here in North Carolina visiting her, and she was bragging about how she told some guy about a DUI and he believed it, and how he won't come down and visit her now... it didn't take me long to figure out she was talking about you... she totally fucked you over, and not the way you wanted her to fuck you either..." Me: "Hahahahahahahahaha... funny. Thanks for the heads up, man... just trash her place, or at the very least, eat all the food outta her fridge." My friend: "I'll think of something. Gotta go." After having quite a few days to stew over this, I am now convinced I did the right thing from the get-go, and lying to me only gets you on my shit-list... Besides, I found another girl to go out to Colorado with me anyway...  |
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Post by rainman on Jul 18, 2009 20:37:14 GMT -5
90% of all females are liars - the other half are bitches
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Post by wvumaryjane on Jul 22, 2009 7:32:41 GMT -5
Well I'm sorry that she lied to ya.. And Ray.. I am not a bitch nor a liar  |
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Post by rainman on Jul 22, 2009 8:52:59 GMT -5
I'm sorry MJ, I know you're not in that group - I was talking about the vast majority of females
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Post by elp525 on Jul 22, 2009 12:09:08 GMT -5
MJ, you are the exception to the rule!!
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