It ain't easy being a dick...

[rainman]

I got a head I can't think with

An eye I can't see out of

I have to hang out with two nuts all the time

My closest neighbor is a real asshole

My best friend is a pussy

and every time I get excited I throw up

and worst of all my owner beats me

[smurph]

HAHAHAHA

Here is a dick of another kind:

My ego is so big, it would not fit in the entire state of West Virginia.
My wife has had so much cosmetic surgery, she looks like a tan version of Michael Jackson.
I am no longer permitted to play with cheerleaders.
My players at my new school are leaving...one-by-one.
I am $4 million in debt (more than that if I have to get a divorce)
I NEED a quarterback !!!!! Help me out here.
I've told so many lies, I forgot how to tell the truth.